Fall 2011 Plaza College Writing Competition Winner

By Alice Onofrietti

It was the worst mistake I have ever made in my entire life. In 2001, I met someone who swept me off my feet, so to speak. I was young and in love. A few months later, I moved in with him, leaving behind the most important thing in my life: my dog, Bella. Even though he liked animals, he didn’t let me bring her with me. Six months later, we got married, but he was still denying the fact that I wanted my dog next to me. My dog at that time was the most important thing in my life, though it wasn’t always the case.

This is how my life with Bella started. In the year of 1996, I came to visit my father, thinking I am only going to stay for a few months. Little did I know that my parents had a different plan for me. A few months went by, and they enrolled me in High School, but I did not want to stay here. I wanted to go back home to my friends. I was a teenager. At the time, my friends were more important than my parents’ plan for me. I agreed to stay only if my dad would get me a dog. At first he wasn’t too keen to the idea of having a pet. A few months later, along came a Labrador puppy, which we named Bella. It wasn’t love at first sight; however, it didn’t take long for us to develop a bond like no other.

I didn’t know much about raising a pet, for I never really had one of my own. All my childhood, I spent time around people that had pets. About a month or two later, I was at the park with my friends and Bella. Running after birds and flies was the joy of her life. While playing, she saw something that caught her eye. Next thing I knew, she was in the middle of the street, crying and bleeding. She got hit by a car. That day was a scary day for me and my family. The driver that hit her offered to take me to a local vet, but it was closed. We ended up all over Queens and Manhattan looking for a vet. Meanwhile, I didn’t call my parents at all to at least tell them I was alright. I came home at one o’clock in the morning. When I saw the look on my parents’ faces, I could only imagine what went through their mind while I was gone. That night I stayed up all night feeding Bella animal crackers with milk. Next morning, the local vet confirmed that her leg was broken. This was one of many incidents that made our relationship even stronger.

As years went by, our bond became stronger and stronger. She slept in my bed, she destroyed personal stuff; she was a true member of the family. When she was about 7 years old, she became very ill. The nearest vet I took her to turned me away because I didn’t have the money needed for the surgery. Unemployed and not having anywhere to turn, I asked my husband for help, but he did not want to give me the money for the surgery she needed. So here I was, crying on the street with a dog that only had days left. My friends and family, seeing the way I was, offered to help me save her and took me and Bella to another vet. At that time, my husband’s grandmother had passed away, and we had to leave New York for a few days. Once again, I left her behind. A few months later, October 2003, to be exact, I left my marriage. My marriage was not perfect. There were many problems, and this was the last straw. I decided that this wasn’t the life I wanted for myself.

Sigma Kappa Delta Writing Competition Winner Alice Onofrietti

Once I moved back home, I became a different person. I do thank my ex-husband for that. I moved on. I got a good job, had a good man by my side and of course, I had Bella. In the summer of 2007 something happened. As I mentioned before, I didn’t know much about raising a pet. She fell down the stairs and everything went wrong from there on. Not knowing what was really wrong, we took her to the nearest vet who wasn’t her regular doctor. We took her there so we wouldn’t have to transport her for too long, risking further injury. This was the same vet that fixed her broken leg and turned me away when I didn’t have means to pay for the surgery when she got sick. He gave her five to six shots and an anti-inflammatory vaccine, which later on I found out, was too much for her. In a matter of a month and 7 days, she was gone. She collapsed in front of our building. I remember calling 911 asking for a “doggy ambulance”. The operator probably thought I was playing a joke. I didn’t care how it sounded or how I looked. I needed the tiniest hope that she would be ok. She died in my arms while my boyfriend was performing CPR on her. I felt as if my world had crashed. There was nothing and nobody that could’ve brought me back from the dark place I went to.

The reason I said this was the worst mistake I ever made, it’s not because of the man I married, but because I left my dog for him. After she died, I closed myself to a lot of things and people. Pictures, poems and tattoos do not seem to help much. It has been more than four years, and I can’t seem to let go. Since then, I have gotten two beautiful dogs that are the joy of my life, but once in a while I go back to that dark place. I am not sure if this feeling will ever go away. I wish I would have the chance to let my ex-husband know how much I suffered and how much I blame him for those two-and-a-half years that I was away from my dog. In a way I also blame myself for letting it get that far. The guilt will probably never go away, for I wish she would still be here. What keeps me going is the belief that she forgives me, for I loved her very much and still do. I wish I would have one moment to tell her how much I love her, and to say how deeply sorry I am. I miss her everyday and always will. It has been said that “Missing someone isn’t about how long it has been since you’ve seen them or the amount of time since you’ve talked. It’s about that very moment when you find yourself doing something and wishing they were right there by your side.”